Helping women succeed in business

Natalie Sisson on Google+

In the 1990’s a book called ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ inspired conversations and ‘ah-ha’ moments in peoples couple relationships.   What we had all suspected for a long time, that men and women do not think alike, was cleverly marketed in a glossy American book for us all to read and indulge in.  It’s genetic, it’s environmental, it’s inevitable, men and women are different.  As much as it is relevant for the home it is also present in the working environment.

For all the women working in a male dominated environment, engineering, IT, construction, investment and private banking, stock brokers etc…and also the sub divisions of a company Sales, IT, R&D these differences can present tough, frustrating situations for women and often prevents women moving up the ranks.  However, having these differences present and overcoming them is also what makes companies more successful and life more interesting. 

Two organisations delivering studies suggesting a link between gender

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balance and performance, Catalyst, the US research organisation and McKinsey & Company. Taking very different approaches to the data, they both came up with very similar results: that having more women in leadership is correlated with stronger financial returns. (And they are not the only ones to show the link. Besides another study of North American companies, similar proof is available for France and UK, among others.)

catalyst report: linking performance and gender balance on the board

return on equity: Fortune 500 companies with 3 or more women on the Board gain a significant performance advantage over those with the fewest

• + 73% return on sales
• + 83% return on equity
• + 112% return on invested capital

Read Catalyst research report

mckinsey report: women matter: women at the top of corporations

Similar findings come from the McKinsey Report, which has found that companies with the highest percentage of women show the best performance. In comparing the top-quartile of companies in terms of share of women in executive committees against companies that have all-male executive committees, McKinsey found that the former companies exceeded the latter by 41% in return on equity and by 56% in operating results.

These reports confirm that gender differences are an opportunity rather than a problem.

At new habits myself and my colleague, Liz have been women managers, executives and working mothers operating in a male dominated industry.  When it comes to ‘succeeding’ in a male world we know our stuff. 

1.    Don’t change who you are; change how you communicate:

Men communicate much differently to women, on the whole.  To ensure you are successful in male dominated environment you have to be prepared to be flexible in your approach to communication.  Typically, men communicate with logic, cause and effect and ration at the forefront.  They are more direct and assertive in their delivery and have no time or interest in small talk.  As women, we communicate very differently.  We generally feel valued when people engage in small talk with us and can misinterpret when they don’t as an insult.  We are more likely to communicate openly our feelings and concerns and are interested in the feelings and concerns of others.  Women are generally less direct in communication and also less assertive, both verbally and in body language.  Women are more likely to openly self-deprecate their own ability whilst men are more likely to ‘over sell’ theirs.

To address the balance in this communication difference woman need to be able to do the following:

·         Deliver information directly.  Try to get your request/point in no more than 9 words.  Say it and then shut up, or you may find yourself confusing the point or request.

·         Talk to the head and the heart.  Make sure to include a logical/rational thread as well as the people focus.  Don’t lose the people focus it’s what makes women in the workplace and crucially as leaders so important (and profitable).

·         Ask for what you want more.  Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, it is worth it!

·         Stop selling yourself short, accept praise and do more to raise your profile.

·         Adapt body language to become more ‘assertive’ and less ‘passive’.  Stand tall, good eye contact, clear, concise delivery of words, open posture etc.

·         Dress for success!  55% our communication is visual.  Therefore how you dress needs to reflect your message and you’re your personal brand.  A tailored jacket and a small heel, gives authority.  For a real insight into to what works well I recommend a colour consultancy session with top colour stylists such as http://www.truecoloursforlife.com who we have here in Sheffield. 

2.    Lead and learn how to delegate!

Men are great delegators!  Or perhaps, its women, who are naturally more nurturing and caring that means work tends to land on us or maybe it’s our often inability to say ‘No’.  Either way, I like to say ‘men are like Teflon and women are like Velcro’.  Learning to delegate effectively and efficiently is a great skill to have as it allows us to spend more time ‘leading’ and thinking strategically.  Saying ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ is short term gain for long term pain.  Those ‘can you do me a favour?’ and ‘would you just?’ ‘three minute’ jobs rarely take three minutes and eat into our precious time when we should be inspiring, delegating, managing, leading and self-promoting (all of which men have a great aptitude for, whilst we are doing their three minute jobs!)

3.    Handling conflict and difficult people

We have a fantastic quality as women and that is we are more nurturing as a gender.  It’s not that men aren’t nurturing, it’s that women typically have the quality in greater proportions; it’s one of those differences that create opportunity.  Within a conflict situation the focus of resolution from a male perspective in on a solid, strong, ‘winning’ rational solution, where as a women will work towards a collaborative solution that strengthens the relationship and considers the impact on people.  This is a valuable difference that makes women at board level so profitable.  However, to get to the board, women need to be able to handle conflict and difficult people easily, effectively and efficiently, otherwise the glass ceiling with come crashing down somewhere around middle management level. (see previous blog)

4.    Balancing work and home (don’t be a superwoman), and getting results.

Working women usually do more than their fair share of the child care and carry more guilt than their spouses. This is the biggest worry for working mothers and often the root cause of stress.  Many companies offer options like work from home and generous leave policies, which (thankfully) now extend to the father as well.  But individual managers may still be set in their older ways. Women (and men) need to help each other out.  This means more couples need to take the decision to ‘share’ childcare arrangements, taking advantage of this recent change in flexible working conditions, in households where the decision is that both parents will pursue their careers equally.  In the meantime, our tip is to enlist help where you can, request to work from home, engage with a great, trustworthy child-minder, get a cleaner, ironing person, to make light of the chores and when you get home and ring fence (in solid gold) an hour a night just for quality time with the kids, no interruptions.

The success of women in business is both vital for women and for business success.  In these hard times any intervention that proved to increase ROE by upwards of 41% is surely worth pursuing. 

If you are interested in attending an assertiveness course aimed at women in business then get in touch with new habits on 01142214876 and talk to our expert consultants Joanna or Liz.

Author: Joanna Reynolds

20th May Leaning at Work Day- Learning Styles!

Strengths and Weaknesses of the Learning Styles

·         There are four different styles of learning

·         Some people predominate in one particular style, while others are comfortable with two or more

·         Learning should cater for all styles

·         Training/development should address strengths and improve on weaknesses

Style	Strengths	Weaknesses
Activist	·         flexible and open-minded ·         happy to have a go ·         optimistic about anything new therefore unlikely to resist change	·         tendency to take immediately obvious action without thinking ·         gets bored with implementation and consolidation
Reflector	·         careful ·         good at listening to others and assimilating information ·         rarely jumps to conclusions	·         inclined to hold back from direct participation ·         slow to make mind up and reach decision
Theorist	·         logical vertical thinker ·         rational and objective ·         good at asking probing questions	·         restricted in lateral thinking ·         low tolerance for uncertainty,disorder and ambiguity
Pragmatist	·         keen to test out things in practice ·         technique orientated ·         practical, down to earth, realistic	·         inclined to reject anything without an obvious application ·         not very interested in theory or basic principles

Factors affecting the selection of learning approach

·         The learners’ preferred learning style(s)

·         Current skill levels

·         Number of learners

·         Availability of learners

·         Learners’ motivation

·         Age composition of the group

Handling difficult work people

Difficult people usually mean difficult relationships and that means difficult conversations.  Sometimes focussing on enhancing the conversational dynamics can help the relationships become less difficult.  

For some reason some people push our buttons, be it a ‘personality’ clash or perhaps they don’t listen, take credit for our work, waste our time with trivial issues, act like a know-it-all or constantly criticize us.  Often the solution is easy, as long as you don’t ignore it and can EBBOM (engage brain before opening mouth)!  Follow my 7 top tips for handling difficult people.

1. Don’t jump to ‘DEXTIFY’

When people are behaving in a difficult manner it is very easy to start defending, excusing or justifying our position.  This is a passive response and instantly sends a signal to the other party that they have some power over us.  Giving a difficult person power is a sure fire way that they will continue to be ‘difficult’ again and again in the future.  Instead, simply understand that these people are called ‘difficult’ for a reason and nothing that you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story.  One thing that helps is to create the habit of asking before telling.  By asking how they perceive the issue/situation/topic you give yourself the time and space to EBBOM and restore a feeling of calmness.  There is more likely to be a shift in the relationship if you express interest in the other persons response, ask “Well what do you think, how do you see it?”    In that moment all difficulty in the conversation tends to dissolve.  You are calm because you are no longer in an inferior position ‘dextifying’.  And they are open.   

2. Preserve your self-esteem and don’t take it personally

Difficult work situations are rarely personal; they are about a situation/topic or idea. Never allow the disagreement to become personal as it builds barriers and makes finding a solution almost impossible.  Remind yourself of the facts, logic and process and respond to those and not the emotional/personal content of delivery.  If you feel the ‘difficult’ personal has been unprofessional towards you, then it may be helpful to deliver that person some feedback about their behaviour.  Do this privately and follow the simple rule of E2C, example, effect, change; ‘when you implied that I hadn’t contributed to the project in the meeting, I found it very unprofessional, unfair and untrue and am disappointed by it. In future I must ask that you don’t make comments like that again’

3.  Avoid presumption and assumption and listen

It almost goes without saying that conversations work better when we presume nothing and assume nothing.   When you make an assumption or presumption you become ‘closed’ around your own conclusions about their motivation, intention and behaviour.  What the other person is saying is important.  Acknowledge their concerns and validate their feelings with empathetic responses.  This in turn will naturally reveal and dissolve your assumptions.  Being open with active listening, even when you want to be closed around your assumptions, is an obvious imperative to a stress free exchange.  Use speech such as, ‘So, what I have hear is XYZ has happened and I can see how it would have made you upset. Leave it with me to consider further and then let’s arrange a time to talk again and explore a way forward.’ Be calm and assertive at all times and if the conversation seems to be going around and around, or is no longer productive, you will have to curtail it.

4. Remember your primary responsibility

In my work I often hear ‘they make me so angry’ or ‘they frustrate the hell out of me’ and after a lifetime of conditioning we learn to believe it’s ‘the other’ that makes us feel what we feel, think what we think, and do what we do.   It’s not easy to remember it’s not them, it’s me!  This is the first, crucial step in changing a ‘difficult’ person into one which we can manage and even tolerate.  A conversation between two self made victims seldom gets very far.  Don’t forgot to take responsibility for your own emotional state and get bound up in your own feelings.  Otherwise life becomes a series of very brief conversations!  

5. Drop the past and pick up the future.

Often people become increasingly ‘difficult’ over time and that is usually because we have unresolved conflict from a past encounter that ended badly.  Any unresolved conflict perpetuates future conflict and turns once ‘normal’ people into ‘difficult’ people.  It’s not easy to wipe the slate clean and start afresh, but acting ‘as if’ your next encounter is your first encounter will help you to quash those pre-determined emotional flares.  If the past comes up, don’t dwell in it by continuously going over it, ask (only once) what happened and what, if anything, can be learnt.  Then, what happens now and how will we deal with the same situation/issue next time.

6. Respect is the key ingredient.

Difficult colleagues are usually a) someone of whom we are scared, which means we are fearful of what they might say, or b) with someone that we have decided we simply don’t like.  Any previous negative experiences (memories of suffering that you attributed to them) or any previous negative judgment will not allow you to give respect to the other.  Any relationship that is without mutual respect is going to flounder as animosity flourishes fast. 

One of the first things we can do is to find something we admire in that person, we find difficult.  It could be we think they are technical specialists or creative or charismatic.  Find at least one or two positive qualities or attributes within ‘the other’ and see them as that during your interactions.  It doesn't need to be said, although sometimes it helps but primarily it’s the value that you attribute to them that transmits.  They will sense that you value them.  This is sometimes enough to unblock your own ability to connect and communicate calmly and clearly, and it makes it easier for them to reciprocate by responding openly and proactively.   But don’t depend on it happening instantly!

7. Stay positive, calm and rational

The great thing about handling difficult colleagues, is that is makes everyone else really easy to communicate with.  Simply saying ‘I can handle it’ is a great positive, assertive affirmation to hold, which is a great grounding to deal with difficult situations in the future.  Try to be the opposite of the difficult colleague.  Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, positivity and even kindness (as challenging as that might be).   You will not be able to solve or change everything but you will be able to walk away knowing that that you have handled things in the best way that you could – positively, calmly and rationally.

For any other advice and tips on confidence and assertion look at www.newhabits.co.uk, follow our Facebook page /newhabits or contact Joanna Reynolds 01142214876